We haven't taken an income in four months. I've been told by numerous people, "Maybe you should look for a job." But, my heart, my soul, and my communication with God disagrees. Some people think I'm crazy, but as Taylor Swift so aptly put it, "Haters gonna hate, hate, hate, hate, hate."
When I decided to take the leap of faith into entrepreneurship, it wasn't a decision I took lightly. I waited. I pondered. I prayed. I didn't make any changes until I felt an urgent fire inside that couldn't be extinguished by doing the same thing and expecting different results. Once I heard my calling loud and clear, there was no turning back. There was no more continuing with the status quo.
Since that time, I've learned how to deal with the internal stress of being an entrepreneur:
The equating of self-worth with income
The paperwork nightmares of our society
The catch-22 cycles between motivation and doubt
And I've wondered why others don't talk about this. Why are we a culture that must wait until the miracles happen before we talk about the struggles we faced in living our dreams? Why can't we put it all out there, be real and expose our truths instead of faking it until we make it? I'm taking this chance to connect with others, because if I can positively affect just one other person who's on the verge of giving up, it's worth all the risk.
The hardest part I've found about being an entrepreneur is holding onto what I believe in the face of doubt. I've seen too many people take this road and lose hope just a moment too soon. However, sometimes we have to be pushed off the edge before we realize we can fly.
Although the struggle is real, the payoff is worth more than any salary I've ever made:
I do what I love everyday.
I truly have a best friend at work.
I have time to care for myself and for those I love.
I can keep up with my home and all of the other blessings I worked so hard to procure.
I don't have a dress code.
I wake up without an alarm most days.
I read. I write. I paint. I ride my motorcycle.
I make my own schedule. And change it when I think it should change.
I only work with clients I like.
I am inspired.
I inspire others.
I am happy and fulfilled.
But most of all, the nagging feeling inside is gone. My soul no longer fights inside my body, aching to live my dreams. For the first time in my life, I can honestly say I am doing purposeful, worthwhile work, and ironically, I don't have a Gallup survey to fill out.
Although this is the most difficult road I've ever walked, it seems that nothing that's worthwhile in life is ever easy. So, I will keep waiting. I will keep pondering. I will keep praying. I will find the reasons why "I can" instead of focusing on the reasons why "I can't." And I will listen to the voice inside and make my decisions out of faith instead of out of fear.